Hey y'all! It's been a lonnnnng time since my last post! So much has happened in the last nine months and i want to tell y'all all about it. But today I have something very specific I want to talk about.... Love!!! <3 I think this might end up being like a three part post so you'll have to keep reading to get the whole scoop ;) But today I'm going to talk about one specific aspect of love and then in the following posts we'll explore some other aspects of love. Soooo here we go....
Love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose to love all different types of people. Love is comes in many different forms also. But i think the moment you fall IN LOVE with someone is when you realize just how much that person means to you. You realize that if you ever lost the person you love, it would kill you. Love is a great deal of different things, but love comes straight from the heart pulsing in your chest. Love is REAL!
I am not an aficionado of love by any means, but everything I know about love comes from experience. I've had two great loves in my life so far. The first one I just fell in love without really even knowing it...it just happened. He was incredible! Funny, handsome, charming....just amazing! He made me so happy like everyday. He made me feel great! I never dated the kid and i guess there was a reason for that, but we had a natural physical attraction toward eachother. My biggest mistake though was that I mistook his physical attraction to me as love....it definitely was not love on his part! But I fell in love anyways. I cared about him. I knew that if I were to lose him it would break my heart. I built my whole future around him. I had my heart set on marrying him and having his kids. I didn't see a bright and beautiful future for myself, but with him in mind my whole future got a little bit brighter. If he would've asked me to go to the moon and bring a piece of it back for him, I would have...well I would have tried anyway. He was the love of my life!
So what happened you might ask? Well, it's like I said, he didn't love me. He started dating another girl. Basicly he told me I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend. Major blow to anybody, but it was especially hurtful to me. All I ever did was try to make him happy and tried to be good enough for him. Needless to say I was completely heartbroken! And as anybody who has ever had a broken heart knows, it was AWFUL!! There is a reason it is called heartBREAK. Because just like any other part of your body that breaks, it hurts BADLY when it gets broken and it continues to hurt until it gets healed. For someone who may be reading this who has never had a broken heart, I'll try to explain what it's like as best as I can. It may not be the same for everyone, but I cry...ALOT. I cry out of pain, and sadness, and anger. The painful cry is probably the worst because you're in so much pain you kinda do a half scream/cry. I don't really have the words to describe it, but you'll know it if/when you feel it. In my personal opinion NO ONE deserves to go through the pain of a broken heart. Not one soul...ever! I wouldn't even wish a broken heart on my worst enemy. I wish I could protect everyone from the pain. But where there is love there is heartache.
Anyway after that particular heartbreak I swore never to let myself fall in love again. I decided i would rather be the heartbreaker than the one getting the heartbroken. So when I met the second heartbreak of my life, I didn't want to fall in love with him. I didn't want to let myself dream of marrying him or having a family with him. I didn't want to even allow myself to imagine what a future with him could be like, because that would mean I would have to let myself fall in love again and i did not want to risk another heartbreak if it didn't work out. However, one night I made a very self-conscious decision to love him. I decided "to heck with it all!" I couldn't resist. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. He was like sunshine in my life when all i had were cloudy skies. He made me happier than I have ever been. He was the sweetest man I'd ever met! So, I let myself fall in love. And then I dreamt up what a future with him would be like. I fell in love with him the way some people fall asleep, slowly at first, and then all at once. I don't really have the words to describe what that love was like, but in a word, it was amazing! I loved him so so very much! Still do!
So, what happened with that one? Oh, so much happened! But it came down to one thing, and in the end it seperated us. My heart broke in a different way, I wasn't ready for it to be over. It would've been easier if someone had cheated and we hated eachother, or idk something like that. But we both still loved eachother. We just couldn't be together anymore. So I would cry in different ways. There was pain, but mostly sadness. When I would hear a song on the radio that made me think of him, it made me sad. When I would lay in bed about to fall asleep, where he use to text me "sweet dreams", there would be silence. It was just sad. It's terrible and sad that someone who meant so much to me, can be just a stranger now.
Yes, heartbreak is horrible! Ah but love, love is wonderful! Just because one love didn't work out, doesn't mean that you need to write off love altogether. You'll miss out on so much if you do that! No, by all means LOVE! Love alot, and as much as you can. If one love doesn't work out, go though the mourning and healing process. Then, move on to another. Don't let it affect your happiness, just because one person didn't appreciate you, it doesn't, mean that no one will. Don't miss out on love and happiness because you're scared. Keep lookin up! Love is out there for you... as cheesy as that sounds ;)
So closing this one out, I just want to say a couple of things I've learned for my two heartbreaks. #1 One of the cruelest things a person can do is to awaken someone's love without the intention of truly loving them. #2
Love isn't about how much you say I love you, but how much you prove that it's true.
Hope y'all enjoyed! :-) Remember, "It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does?" -Peter McWilliams
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